A Glimpse of Green…

written by me

I don’t know how to feel
news of new commitments
one as predicted
one out of left field

Ecstatic and congratulatory in statement,
but inside,
my heart diving head first down into the basement
how am I supposed to feel
it’s all becoming so surreal

I fight the urge to dial back
hit rewind, replay old tracks
as if it were a movie on the big screen
feeling that awful sin, the color of green

It’s got me feeling some kind of way
choices I have made
would my story have played
out any differently, had they not been the same?

There’s no turning back time
because there’s a reason behind each line
no more muddling in the past,
break - fast,
for this feeling I feel, it’s purely benign

Because in the end
there’s only one way to feel
and it may not always be the ideal
but every story eventually reveals

And so I will know just how to feel
genuinely bright and winsome…
for me my time will sure come
and I’ll know in that moment it was made custom.

Mar 29 2012

I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.. — Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

A Brave Face

Its amazing how time goes
as quickly as memories fade
like how the wind blows
away tired old souls

Never expected to be here
where you are near
yet be so unclear
as to what face I should wear

Scared, confused
Brave, strong
Bare yet fully aware

Sacrifices made
sleep delayed
mind heavily weighed
never hesitating to stay

Can’t bare to see such pain
so weak and weary
scared of the light
cuz there’s still so much fight

But now there’s hope in your smile
sticking around for a while
the strong man from my memories
riding along on a new breeze

Cuz it’s not yet time to fade
the winds direction has changed
it’s welcome, outstayed
therefore, temporarily rearranged

And so now he’s in control
to keep alive dreams of dancing, like old
cuz this tired old soul
WILL find that loophole

♥ dedicated to my grandfather ♥

written by me Mar 2012 

innocence in a birthday hat :)
all me baby!

innocence in a birthday hat :)

all me baby!

I am Beautiful ME ♥

I am Beautiful ME ♥

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~Marilyn Monroe~

What’s Love Without Risk…

Can’t even wrap my mind around the idea
That you could be so intuitive,
To know my feelings before I could be true to it
Always laughing, increasing your attractiveness
Brings out my realness, a comfort level that’s been out of practice
But then, as if by storm, something in you felt feared
Caught me so off guard, as I had begun to lay it down, my guard,
So now I fear, fear to show affection, merely following your direction
Conflicted, confused, constricted my mind, all at the same time
Negatively affecting my rhythm
Clouding my emotions, more concerned with what I did wrong
So anxious, disturbing my mental
Then coming to the realization that whatever affliction has you twisted
Is of your own doing, a complication of the heart
Cuz you can’t handle the little that you have brewing
Don’t blame me for your undoing
I’m just sorry I fell so unknowing, not regretting the experience
At least I know my hearts not forever deadened

If your past is the reason, then
Allow me to be the new season
And if I walk away, it’ll be because you did nothing to make me stay
Rather cuz you pushed me away
worse yet, cuz you appear wholly oblivious to what’s at bay

I am not naive as I once was,
And what you have been unable to deliver
Has broken me a bit, I can’t even lie about it
No one has been able to win my heart, you had mine without even trying
Only now you’re denying
Your actions implying
That your hearts just not in it
And my heart, its just not willing, to be played to the false beat
So to save you the trouble, I’m not going to be discrete 
I shouldn’t have to fight for your attention
So expect the end cuz the end is coming
I don’t have time to waste on someone who won’t waste their time so willing
So find another female who will wait, assume, hope
Cuz I refuse to fight for something that ain’t right
And if you wanted me in your life you’d put me there
I AM worth fighting for!
Cuz what’s love without risk…

written by me Feb 2012

picture from: http://www.facebook.com/LoveQuotesAndSayings

I Wonder

Sometimes I often wonder
All that I have put asunder;
In the wake of a reminiscent past
I realize my experiences, so vast
Have dug a hole so deep
That on a day so weak I weep at what was, what is, what I only hope to seek;
This empty feeling keeps me dreaming
For a chance to be always gleaming;
Sleepless nights can’t stop thinking
So desperate for a new beginning,Just want to start claiming my right to be winning,
spinning in a whirlwind of every reason,
As to why I felt the bad with the good, as the good melted into bad,
To get here, to a place, where I can find my soul
To finally play this role
In my heart, as to how this story goes.

written by me Dec 2011